Creating A Safety Net – Beware The Frenzy

Hello again! It’s been quite a while since I first intended to do this series but at last I’m making progress. In a way, the balance I was striving for served as a good reminder for this topic because of what frenzy can do, whether it’s being swept up in a new kink, a new partner, or just the lifestyle in general! Even when things seem balanced and steady, frenzy can still happen as the excitement and shining new thing fill you with emotion and begin to take some of the place of logic and reasoning and processing.

So, what is frenzy? What I personally think it comes down to is an overstimulated nervous system. With something so interesting and exciting and thrilling, it can move the system away from logical thinking to more emotional driven action. We are adults and so our decision making skills and ability to think ahead should be fairly stable, strong, and developed by our mid-20’s or so. However, different things and situations can cause a shift back to a different part of our brain, or at least a struggle between our developed, logical brain and our more primitive, emotional brain we used primarily as children when we were not capable of self control or thinking through our consequences. Because of this, it’s important to be aware of frenzy.

There are different kinds of frenzy and how you are affected by it can vary. Some commonly heard types of frenzy include sub frenzy, dom frenzy, kink specific frenzy, and general kink frenzy.

I’ll start with sub frenzy to paint an idea of what frenzy can look and feel like. Sub frenzy, put simply, is the urge and drive to submit. This particular frenzy can be triggered when someone first discovers or acknowledges their submissive side and needs to submit and serve. Submission can be a want or it can be a need, but usually it is a part of someone on the right side of the slash. Some only need a bit of submission to feel fulfilled while others need more intensity and depth to it. They might feel an urge to show their grace and ability to serve and hope for pleasing someone so as to feel happy and proud themselves, perhaps even with purpose for some. Some slowly start to explore and understand this side of them. Others want to go straight into it and perhaps it might lead to a frantic search for a Dominant or acting subservient to everyone on the left side of the slash because it can maybe, kind of satisfy their drive to submit. There is nothing inherently wrong about either form of expression and exploration; however, this can become dangerous when someone gets so overwhelmed by the emotional excitement and urgency that they submit to anyone or without using caution. Predators will take full advantage of this frenzy, lulling the overly excited and eager submissive into a false sense of safety or satisfaction from finding someone to serve or belong to. In actuality, they may use this frantic energy to encourage the submissive type to rush through negotiations, if they even happen at all. In the rush and urgency to serve and submit and please, some submissives might even ignore their own limits because they must do well and not lose this connection and dive ever deeper into their submission. That is, until the rush wears off and reality sets in. This is not what they want. This is not what they enjoy. This is not what their submission is. Frenzy can sometimes lead to harsh lessons learned and, at times, far worse. It can be painful to come out of if they were preyed upon by those knowledgeable enough to recognize it but morally bereft to be kind, help guide, or move on from someone in the throes of their own passion and desires. Sometimes it can lead to wanting or even needing to shut that part of themselves down because of those experiences. It’s a potentially delicate time and easy to fall into.

Dominant types can fall into their own frenzy. They can harm themselves, but they can also harm those that trust them with their submission. That is not to say submissives can’t do the same since Dominants trust their submissives to let them know if something goes too far and if they cause harm during a sub’s frenzy, that can also cause its own form of trauma or pain. However, Dominants need control. This need comes in two ways: the actual need for control over someone to satisfy their desires and the need to control themselves to avoid crossing a line. The first type of control can fall to frenzy by way of taking on more submissives than is feasible for themselves. Each bond is one of trust, connection, time, energy, and more. The more bonds, the more strain on each of those things whether it’s because of finite things like time or more than someone is capable of handling like tracking one too many lists of limits and kinks. What may happen with the end of frenzy in this case is the relinquishing of control, leading to pain from the end of a dynamic and any emotions that may come with that from sadness to resentment. As for the other type of control, that form of frenzy can lead to more dangerous consequences depending on the situation and dynamic. When a submissive calls out their safe word, they trust their Dominant to follow their agreement and stop or at least check in. It is possible that, in a moment of frenzy, that the Dominant cannot keep themselves in check and continues, whether it’s one more or many more because of the rush, the adrenaline, the power. It might also be that they go harder than they should or realize because of how wrapped up they get in the thrill of the moment and wanting to experience that over and over. The end result can be harming their partner, harming their relationship, and even harming their own confidence in their abilities.

As for the other types of frenzy, they can have the same effects and consequences as the sub and Dom frenzies. It all comes down to the thrill, the rush, the joy of discovering a new or deeper part of yourself. At this point, I cannot stress enough that it is not all about self control. We are human. We are animalistic. We have instincts with urges and desires to go with those instincts. Sometimes our own natural bodies and brains will go against those instincts or run wild with them, it just depends. Someone with little self control might never have frenzy. Someone with an iron will can succumb to it. We have three parts to our brain and sometimes the base of it can lead to what some call a reptile brain where logic, reason, looking to the future, and consequences can become foggy or even obstructed. That is not to say it can’t be stopped or preventes. It can be unpredictable, but awareness can help especially if you find that you are susceptible or simply want to be ready. It can be easy to want to go looking for partners and kinks and toys and all the deliciously dark and devious things the kink world has to offer! But building up your safety net will keep you, well, safe! It will make it more likely that you will have someone looking out for you, whether as a friend or because it’s been negotiated. You will have the tools in your box to pull out so you can stay empowered to advocate for your safety, needs, and wants even if that includes giving up power to someone else in a power exchange. There may be bumps along your journey and they may not be bad, perhaps more frustrating or annoying than harmful and I sincerely hope that is the case! But life is unpredictable, kink is unpredictable, frenzy is unpredictable. Take care of yourself so you can enjoy your journey and use those bumps along the way as lessons learned instead of them turning into big falls or darkness that can lead to fear or anxiety in your exploration or even the end of your kink journey when you weren’t ready for its end rather than the joy and satisfaction and thrill of connecting with those parts of you. I say it a lot, and I’ll keep saying it – keep yourself safe so you can keep enjoying your journey another day.

I’ll be including some links for further reading and research at the bottom, though please never hesitate to start a discussion with me regarding any questions, concerns, or feedback!

May your journey be as dark as you desire but never a darkness that seeps into your very soul to rob the light and may you always find yourself, your passions, and your own kink world (however that may look) so that you may enjoy this other piece life has to offer.

Love always and well wishes,

Miss Lunissa ❤

Additional reading:

Note: I’ll keep an eye out for more articles besides sub frenzy but you may also find that it is heavily focused on because many find it to carry more risk

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It’s been a while! Also, an anal-ogy

Hello again everyone! My, how the time has flown by! Thankfully, things should be calming down now a bit more so I should be more regular in posting. Also, hope you enjoyed that subtle (perhaps not so subtle) pun in the title this week!

Now, if there is one thing I am taking away from all of this self care and taking time to right myself on my own personal journey is to not rush! You would think that would be obvious, but whether vanilla or kink it is easy to get swept up in things. In terms of kink, I learned the hard way that there most definitely is such a thing as going too fast even if you’re all amped up and ready to take it all on! It’s like anal. And no, I did not learn my lesson from anal though it did help make things click into place.

So, a weird analogy but it works in a way. It’s kinky and pleasurable and fun and amazing and… potentially painful and damaging if you don’t know what you’re doing or don’t take your time. You don’t want to rush into it your first time even though you’re excited or you’re going to end up with some pain and or regrets. Take it slow. Just dip your finger in, get a feel for the experience and see where you’re at and how it suits you. Not your thing? Ok, good. Onto a plug. Ready for more? Don’t pull out the gigantic black dildo just yet! You know the one. Work your way up the path of pleasure and bliss!

It’s all a journey and there is bound to be some uncertainty and discomfort but there should never be any true pain. Exploring kink can lead to chasing physical, emotional, mental pains and perhaps even permanent reminders because it led to pleasure or desire through it (floggers and needles and clamps, oh my!); it shouldn’t lead to debilitating, unwanted pain because the goal, after all, is ultimately pleasure of some sort. First few times exploring will take some time to warm up and be able to fully enjoy the experience, whether that be trying something new or building up to something like a more intense flogging or whipping or something more edgy. Some days it may feel more uncomfortable than usual and that is perfectly fine! Listen to your body, mind, heart, and soul because kink can go deep and we are human with needs constantly changing, adapting, surprising. Perhaps you surprise yourself by being ready for something and it feels really, really good! Don’t go rushing into other, bigger, better things! And if you do? Remember, there shouldn’t be pain. Take a break and a breather and lube up your experience perhaps with more conversations, research, practice, guidance, whatever it may be. Never hesitate to have more than you need. There’s no such thing as too much. On that note, invest in good quality lube. There’s a lot of people who will try to push or mislead you and the same goes for untrustworthy sources. Be discerning and learn all you can and want. There’s not really any rush in the journey of a lifetime in kink.

That’s another part of rushing – missing the signs or ignoring them. Just like anal, our bodies will tell us what we need. Ignore the pain and keep pushing through? You can cause short term, long term, or even permanent damage. With some kinks, it can even cause death and then how would you have all of that fun and pleasure? It’s not a competition. You don’t have to be the kinkiest person in the world that can take all the things just like you don’t have to take the biggest object up your butt. Unless you’re into that sort of thing in which case by all means enjoy you gigantic dildo of kink! But it’s still your decision, your experience, your body, your soul. Listen to yourself. Never quiet your inner voice just to please others or prove yourself or any other such thing. Kink is done because you want it, not because it’s for someone else even if you are on your knees under someone’s will. You still made that choice to be there and give that gift. Never forget that or why you’re doing it (hint: because your kinky soul demands it!)

One last bit to take away from all of this is to also go at the pace of the slowest partner!! I can’t stress this enough. Remember how I said to take it slow and warm up rather than rush and ruin the pleasure? Afford others the same please. It will be worth it, I can nearly guarantee it! Kink can expose our minds and bodies to some risky things that can alter us physically, mentally, and spiritually. Rushing and pushing through can open us up to some rather big consequences, be it our own, others, or on behalf of each other. Those consequences carry a heavy burden that can’t always be lessened if it’s severe enough. Again, the ultimate goal of exploring these dark spaces of our minds is to have fun and find pleasure. Do not hesitate to explore your inner dark desires, just don’t go chasing them in a frenzy when the rush has unable to think straight and running into a tree, or worse, off a cliff or worse causing someone else to do so. Again, what fun would there be had if you or your play partner simply cannot continue as much as it might pain you two. Or three, four, etc. The more the merrier but also more important to be careful and aware of each others needs, wellbeing. It’s all about having fun with leather and floggers and power dynamics and tickling and humiliation and blood and little space and so many, many other personal interests and kinks. Because that’s what makes us unique and powerful and happy.

So until the next time, have fun and dare to explore your inner darkness for your pleasure! Just remember to keep your self safe and at your own pace so you don’t hurt yourself or anyone else.

Love always,

Miss Lunissa

Taking A Breather

Hello again! I apologize for a delay in my latest post! I’ve been trying to upload every weekend but life has gotten interesting between some not so great events regarding consent and then getting sick! Because of this, though, I want to get back on track with some attention to self-care.

It can be so, so easy to let yourself get swept up in all the adrenaline and joy and pleasure as you go along your journey whether you are new or are decades in! There could be the rush of finding a new play partner or discovering a new kink or expanding your limits or so much more that can happen at any time and can be something manageable in excitement or all the way to “oh my gosh all the things! I need this now!!”. However, it’s always important to remain aware of your limits and also realize that sometimes those limits can be a bit different such as needing more or less intensity due to being emotionally charged as well as feeling that adrenaline high can make you start to ignore your body’s cues to slow down or stop (especially if you enter sub space) while stress and anxiety can make lower your pain tolerance. Safety is important both in the physical and mental sense!

There could also be some intense times in your relationships with others, your kinks, or even yourself both within and outside of the kink world. It’s okay if you need a break from kink. It’s okay if you need to let your play partner that you need something different or more after care or just some time to enjoy the bond in a more calm manner. No matter what it is, it is always important to stay in tune with what you need mentally, emotionally, and physically so that you can keep things safe and sane for yourself.

A sexual journey is lifelong and the journey into kink will be full of opportunities and surprises; however, that path is yours to take and there is never any need to rush into especially if it means you will get hurt in some way. After all, it’s not fun having to take a break to tend to an injury or even a mental wound. That is not to say that it won’t happen. It’s a messy, exhilarating, freeing, relieving experience and accidents happen, life happens but prioritizing your needs will ensure you are in the right mind to play safe and that you’re not straining your body into a longer term or permanent injury and that you are able to give your best self to your play partner! For Dominants, you will be in the right state of mind to dominate and create a pleasurable scene without breaking your dear submissive. For submissives, you will be taking care of His or Her body to do with as They will. For kinksters of all kinds, you will be ready for whatever adventure you want to have and whatever fun your play partners want to throw at you next! So, go out and have fun! Explore! Experiment! Grow! But also remember to take care of yourself so you can enjoy this beautiful journey into the tantalizing darkness of kink so that you can give it your all during those moments and be able to continue enjoying it as much and as often as you like! This is part of the Safe and Sane of the Consensual games we play.

Have fun and until next time,

Miss Lunissa